“And what can I get for you, ladies?”

This is the first post since I made this blog publicly available (I posted a link on Facebook). I have been surprised at how positive the response has been. I have a few friends who have had very negative experiences when coming out and I was worried, but everyone has been very loving towards me. We will see if things continue going well when my new roommates and Ward and such find out.

The timing of it was somewhat planned out. I wanted it to happen between Wards and roommates. Also, I was in San Diego when I posted the link.

Look! A pretentious beach selfie.

It was great to get out of Utah and be reminded that there is so much more to the world. Sometimes it’s easy to forget that it extends beyond these mountains.

Look! It just keeps going forever.

Look! It just keeps going forever.

I could definitely get used to living next to the beach like that. Long walks on the boardwalk or beach with a dog and a special someone. I passed these two guys that looked like they were a couple and they were walking their dog together and I realized that’s exactly what I want.

After San Diego we went to visit my sister and her family in Arizona. We went out to dinner at an interesting place that looked out over a lake.

Saguaro Lake

Look! It’s alone and different but still growing.

While ordering, the waitress took my father’s order, then turned to my mother and I asking, “And what can I get for you, ladies?” Now, granted, my back was to her, but still, pretty sure I don’t look like a lady even from behind. It was probably nothing more than an honest mistake, but it was still irksome to have her misgender me.

As a cisgender male people don’t often misgender me, but there are many who do not identify as cisgender that are regularly assigned the wrong gender. There is so much more to gender than the black and white, blue and pink, male and female. It’s much more complicated than the gender binary that is regularly taught and I don’t claim to be an expert. Transgender, genderqueer, two-spirit, fluid gender, and so many other variations exist (a good explanation of gender can be found HERE). Sex is different than gender, and gender is not determined by genitalia.

It goes back to one of my core sentiments: Stop telling people who they are. Self-identification is the only sure way to get it right and see people as they are without projecting ourselves onto them (I talk about that more in Paper Towns and Perfect/Complete). I know I’ve harped on this point in various posts, but it’s because it’s important. Allowing people to be who they are is not only more healthy for them, but for any relationship we hope to have with them.

No more homelessness or joblessness just for not conforming to gender norms. For living authentically. We should be moving past that sort of discrimination.

-Daniel

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